I’m about to fill out my passport application form for the fifth time. I made two errors the first time, had computer problems the next two, and made another error the fourth.

The most recent error: My legal name is Mitchell. The form asks for other names used. I put down “Mitch,” which is of course the name I go by everywhere but on legal documents. Turns out other names are only supposed to be legal names.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.